Monday, March 27, 2006

And They Say There's No Humor In AT...

Those who know me know that I often say that our industry rarely shows it's lighter side. But today as I recover more from the thing that is CSUN I bring you some light hearted looks at things.

First up is a Blog from a friend in the trenches. He linked to me so I feel that I have to repay him..

I didn't get to post this in the "Sweet Release" post, however, as a good Mentor told me there is humor out there in AT if you look hard enough. The below release is true and it had sessions of 12 to 20 people. And no I am not talking "eHarmony and JAWS". . .

Check this out with no beverages near your system. You have been warned!

Ft. Wayne, Indiana... For immediate release. GW Micro is pleased to announce the release of Window-Eyes for JAWS. This exciting new product will revolutionize screen reading technology. Screen reading has never been easier. Window-Eyes for JAWS provides you the best of both worlds - the power of JAWS and the ease of use of Window-Eyes. Window-Eyes for JAWS reads what JAWS alone will not, provides ease of use JAWS cannot, and gives access to settings that no one can find in JAWS.
"Some people asked us why we'd release a screen reader for a screen reader," said Dan Weirich of GW Micro. But if they had ever used JAWS, they wouldn't have had to ask."
Let's face it. No screen reader is perfect. But JAWS has been remarkably foul of late. And even so, people and organizations just keep buying it.
Well at GW Micro, we're not going to give up. Our motto is - if we can't beat them, we'll join them - and do it better. So our "middleware"
screen reader, Window-Eyes for JAWS is a logical progression for us.
Here are answers to some questions raised by our exciting new product:
What do you mean by "middleware" screen reader?
Middleware is normally a layer of programming that lets different programs talk to each other. Microsoft Active Accessibility is "middleware" that provides accessibility information. Well, Window-Eyes for JAWS is middleware that provides a usability layer, translating information from JAWS into human understandable terms, and organizing JAWS settings into a comprehensible interface, to make it possible to actually use JAWS without years of study.
If you've ever used JAWS on the Internet, you know why Window-Eyes for JAWS is an essential addition. If you don't code HTML by hand, you probably scratch your head when using JAWS on the Internet. Who knows or cares what a blockquote, onmouseover, or anchor are? With Window-Eyes for JAWS you don't have to know!
Will I have to change settings in multiple places?
Not once you install Window-Eyes for JAWS! Ever try to find where to change punctuation in JAWS? You have lots of choices: the Voices dialogs, the Verbosity dialog, or two or three different places in Configuration Manager... No more! With Window-Eyes for JAWS, all your punctuation settings are in one location! In fact, all settings are easier to find and change.
What about SAPI Voices?
They're supposed to work in JAWS, but that's only an unsubstantiated rumor - until now! Get Window-Eyes for JAWS and use any SAPI synthesizer you have installed, and with the added bonus of no crashes!
How stable will this program be, running on such an unstable platform?
Window-Eyes has a rock solid reputation for stability. If we can do that in Windows, we can do it in JAWS.
Will I be able to use third party programs?
We admit, JAWS doesn't support much more than Microsoft Office these days, but with Window-Eyes for JAWS you can run all of your favorite programs. Window-Eyes for JAWS extends the support you get beyond office environments. Life is about more than work so enjoy it!
What about synthesizers and Braille displays?
Using these devices in JAWS has never been easy. Select it when you install JAWS or reinstall it to get them to work. But with Window-Eyes for JAWS, just select your Braille display or synthesizer from a list, and you don't even need to restart the program! And Window-Eyes for JAWS fully supports using your Braille Sense as a display!
I'm not a programmer; will I have to learn to write scripts?
Absolutely not! If you're a real glutton for punishment and hate yourself and life in general, you *can* write scripts... But with Window-Eyes for JAWS you don't have to submit to such torture! And are you tired of frames that break every time you restart a program? No more! Window-Eyes for JAWS gives you all the easy to use customization tools that have been in Window-Eyes for years. Buy Window-Eyes for JAWS and never script again!
Every time I install a new version of JAWS, I find that something I use all the time is broken. Will Window-Eyes for JAWS help with this?
Yes! With Window-Eyes for JAWS, never worry about upgrading again. We provide the consistency that JAWS cannot. And those commands that give three different results on three tries? With Window-Eyes for JAWS that will never happen again!
Get your copy of Window-Eyes for JAWS today!
Disclaimer: We accept no responsibility for anyone taking this "press release" seriously, and offer no apology or sympathy for anyone without a sense of humor. Have fun!

1 comment:

BlindChristian said...

Hey Ranger, We do a lot of humor and satire about issues regarding blindness over at Blind Confidential We'd be more than happy to put up a link to the station in return for one to us hyper-cafeinated, paranoid screwballs. Check us out, I think you and your readers will have a few laughs.